Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center

International Eating Disorder Referral Organization

 

 

Development of an Eating Disorder by Kip Rasmussen, Ph.D.

www.centerforchange.com

The first thing to understand about eating disorders is that they are extremely difficult to grasp and treat. If there is a shortcut to this understanding, it is to remember this definition: eating disorders are a desperate and ultimately self-destructive attempt to "cope" with intense feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. This sense of worthlessness can come from a variety of sources. In this article, I will focus primarily on one of these sources: social pressures.

An acquaintance of mine recalled having had a crush on a school classmate for roughly two years. One day as she was walking down the hall at school, this boy walked by and said an incredibly insulting expression to her about her weight. This expression, though hurtful, was of the type heard commonly in ordinary daily life. Nearly all of us have heard comments similar to this on TV, popular films or in social circles - probably within the last week. The only unusual aspect of this incident is that both the boy and the girl involved in this incident were in second grade. As a result of this incident, my acquaintance vowed she would never again leave herself vulnerable to these expressions of contempt based on her weight. Over the years, she developed a severe eating disorder, one which has plagued her now for almost a decade.

It's never been an easy world in which to grow up. It's harder now than ever before. My experience with clients, youth of my acquaintance, and my own children has startled me at the severity of their challenge. Growing up is hard for both boys and girls, but I believe girls today face difficulties which would truly amaze their parents.

One of the most eye-opening books of recent years was Mary Pipher's Reviving Ophelia, a book which galvanized the nation in its harrowing portrayal of the arduous path to adulthood experienced by many young women. Many readers, including this reader, were startled by the level of depression, peer infighting, sexual coercion/assault, and general trauma many of these young women had been through in their young lives. In fact, initially, I thought Pipher was relating the unusual experiences of a self-selected population, and that the majority of the population of young women were different than those she described. But upon inquiry among adult female acquaintances about trauma such as those Pipher recounted, I was dismayed to discover that the women who had escaped trauma were the exception, not the rule. I found very few women who had not experienced alarming levels of harrowing incidents while in their childhood.

 My experience with clients suffering from eating disorders has only confirmed Pipher's experience. In the last decade, we, those parents who have been given watch over development of children, have been made more starkly aware than ever before that children and youth cannot be expected to raise themselves without an increased level of watchful concern from us for their healthy growth.

 

Social Pressures on Young Women

As far as the development of eating disorders is concerned, perhaps the most common experience for those women who are suffering is to have been judged regarding their appearance. The damage occurs for those women who experience both extremes of the judgment scale.

It is well known that girls criticize each other regarding virtually every element of their appearance, from clothing, to make-up and hair, to issues of weight and shape. It is rare to find a young woman with a serious eating disorder who has not been singled out for criticism regarding her appearance, (most often involving weight), even from other girls.

But this emphasis on appearance by girls pales in comparison to their being judged by young men. Boys, beginning from their years of puberty, engage in constant communication regarding the appearance of girls. While boys seldom intend for their comparisons and comments to hurt girls, the result is nonetheless often devastating. It only takes one or two incidents of hearing boys evaluate girls on issues of appearance for them to assume that the only way girls can get attention from boys is to look "hot." One client found that when she lost weight, her phone began ringing off the hook. It was difficult to convince this wonderful individual, who had previously suffered so much loneliness, that this attraction to her physical appearance was extremely unlikely to make her truly happy in the long run.

 While relatively few individuals of any gender reach adulthood without at least some rejection in romantic matters, many girls have faced much more than their share of it. Being rejected as objects of attraction by boys, often due to their weight, they are acutely aware of that relatively small percentage of girls who receive inordinate amounts of attention from boys, oftentimes based solely on their physical appearance. These girls, valued for their beauty alone, are often perceived to receive more offers for dates and invitations for parties than other girls, and because they are receiving more attention, they seem to be having more fun, and consequently leading better lives. It is not hard to believe that those who hold this view of their situation in life will lean toward taking extreme measures to lose the weight they see as preventing them from being accepted. I have worked with many young girls who would literally rather die than feel more rejection and worthlessness in their social encounters.

But the other end of the attraction continuum is fraught with the potential for even worse trauma. As, mentioned, many girls are under tremendous pressure from young men to engage in sexual contact they don't want. These pressures range from the strategic use of alcohol to the old phrase, "If you love me....." And many of these boys follow through on this threat to reject girls who won't engage in sexual relations with them, leaving lost, confused girls in their wake. Sadly, girls often fail to consider that young men who want girls for this reason are shallow and do not yet possess insight into the fact that relationships based solely on physical attraction will never be truly fulfilling to either party. This fact is often lost on girls, who frequently fail to realize that this is not the kind of attention they really want from boys. What they invariably crave is for someone to really care about them as a whole person, not just for their physical appearance. This becomes a terrible dilemma for girls who don't want to be rejected for being overweight, but don't want to be sought after and used for their physical appearance either.

Even worse, many girls are victims to what amounts to various forms of sexual assault, falling prey to being groped and other forced physical contact. This can happen at parties, dance clubs, on dates and even in the halls at school. Many girls feel so violated that they go to the opposite extreme. In an effort to become unattractive to boys, they lose weight to the point of emaciation.

 

The Emotional "Benefits" of Eating Disorders

Faced with the tremendous pressures of growing up, girls will often turn to eating disorders for what they truly see as "relief". Those with severe eating disorders are often asked why they do such terrible things to themselves. The answer is that it gives them an emotional and often physical "fix", to something which can be as addictive as any drug. Girls often respond to trauma in "internalized" ways: self-loathing (a very descriptive word for depression), addiction to achievement, cutting on their skin, and eating disorders. Girls often turn to these "coping" mechanisms in order to sedate themselves from their feelings of trauma, self-hatred, insecurity and vulnerability. They want to "numb" themselves. Those suffering from severe emotional trauma feel a constant need to "not feel" since the feelings they have are overwhelmingly negative. And eating disorders provide a respite for these painful feelings at least at first.

Eating disorders also give them a form of quick weight loss, which often is very highly rewarded by those in their environment: "Wow, look at all the weight you've lost. You look great!" The eating disorder can also serve as a "friend" they can "rely" on, a form of control in the face of what they perceive to be an uncontrollable environment. In addition, when eating disorders worsen, and those who suffer start to look ill, the attention and sympathy they receive for being sick can become intensely addictive, since they often believe they will not receive this attention in any other way.

 

 

The views and opinions expressed in this article are strictly those of the author and are presented without editing. The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the position or the policy of EDReferral.com, and no official endorsement by EDReferral.com of the opinions expressed herein should be inferred.

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